Once upon a time in an era that we fondly refer to as "Pre-History", a creature climbed down from a tree and called himself "MAN." His wife, Oogoogla however just called him GROG which means, "He who smells bad and scratches himself." Grog, was an intelligent creature for a dim-witted Neanderthal and realized that he had a great responsibility. Grog knew that his purpose in life was to name everything that needed naming. He had been at this for years and now he was an old man of 18 years. "Well", thought Grog, "Me be with most me life gone and me done name everything. What me do now?" As Grog walked through the jungle contemplating how he would spend his remaining years now that he was out of a job he suddenly heard a noise from ahead. Looking towards the base of the local Volcano Grog spied a 900 lb. Saber Toothed Kitty Kat. Grog knew that "Kitty's" were as foul tempered and hungry as Oogoogla, whose name means, "Fat wife who never stops eating and who is always PMS'ing." Quietly Grog turned to leave before Kitty could see him but he was too late. Kitty could smell Grog a mile away, after all how could Kitty not smell him, PHEW?! Kitty bounded and Grog took off running thru the Jungle towards the safety of his cave. A thought crossed Grog's mind as Kitty gave chase.... "Me run fast, me call this 'Jogging'! Hey, me invent something. Me first inventor. Me got new Job! Cool!" Grog was so busy thinking about his new career that he failed to notice the cliff ahead. Grog fell off in full run and landed in a tree a hundred feet below. Several hours later when Grog regained consciousness, He thought, "Hmm-mm, me need to invent Parachute!" As Grog arrived at his cave Oogoogla was in a rage. "Where have you been? Why are you late? Just look at you, you're a mess! Why do you have a stick hanging out of your arm?" Grog looked down and sure enough.... There was a stick hanging out of a huge gash in his arm. Grog fainted. When he awoke he found that Oogoogla had removed the stick but he was still bleeding. Oogoogla looked at him and said, "Just look at the mess that you are making on my floor, bleeding everywhere like that. And what are you going to do about that tree in our yard?" Now Grog was confused, "Tree in yard?" he asked. "Just go look for yourself," said Oogoogla. Stumbling outside Grog seen that lightening had struck his Tree and now there was a hot, bright substance consuming the tree. Grog was elated, he had invented a new thing, FIRE. Telling Oogoogla of this and how now he was the first inventor she remarked that she hoped it paid more than his last job of  "Name Giver." Oogoogla also suggested to Grog that he might also want to consider inventing a way to stop that bleeding he was doing. "No problem," Grog assured her. Bending down Grog mixed some of the ash from the burning tree and some mud from the puddle beside the cave entrance and smeared the gooey mess over his wound. The bleeding stopped and Grog was proud of himself, he had just invented FIRST AID. Early the next day as Oogoogla busied herself  about the cave preparing her and Grog's breakfast of wild berries Oogoogla stumbled upon a rock on the cave floor falling full upon the stick that had come from Grog's arm. Her cry of pain awoke Grog and he came running to her side. he noticed that the stick had gone through Oogoogla's navel. Carefully removing the stick Grog looked about the cave floor for something to plug the hole. Picking up a twig from the berries that Oogoogla had been  preparing Grog braided the twig and then weaved it into the hole in Oogoogla's navel. Looking down Oogoogla exclaimed, "And what do you call that, First Aid?" "No," Grog responded , "me just invent Body Piercing!" This was too much for Oogoogla. Picking up the stick she heaved it at Grog who, not being too swift failed to dodge it. The stick pierced Grog's ear which of course pleased him to no end but also gave him another idea. Waving bye to Oogoogla Grog announced that he had just invented the spear and he knew just what to do with it. Grog headed back towards the Volcano. "Me show that Saber Toothed Kitty Kitty that me is Boss. " Thought Grog. As fate would have it though, Kitty saw Grog first and sprung to attack. It suddenly dawned on Grog that maybe facing a 900 lb. Kitty with nothing more than a sharp stick was not a good idea. Grog turned and fled thus inventing common sense. As Grog jogged for his life through the jungle he marveled at how wonderful his new job was despite the drawbacks like Oogoogla and Kitty. Grog was so deep in thought however that he failed to notice that another cliff, like the one from the day before and like the day before he fell off of it. This time Grog did not fall into a tree.... he fell into the river. As our hero pulled himself from the water he reveled in his accomplishments. Jogging, fire, first aid, piercing, etc. And now, well now Grog had invented 4 things all at once! Escape, high diving, swimming and of course the first bath. What a week Grog was having! He rushed home to share this news with Oogoogla. "What happened to you!?" Oogoogla wanted to know. Why she had hardly recognized Grog when he came through the cave entrance. He didn't smell bad and he had stopped itching. Grog excitedly explained all that had happened that morning. "Well," said Oogoogla "Maybe this inventing job of yours isn't so bad after all but tell me Grog, what is that on your arm, it looks like a snake and you know how I feel about pets in the house!?" Looking down Grog did see what looked like a snake upon his arm and he tried to brush it off until he realized that it wasn't a snake but something else and quite wonderful. Grabbing Oogoogla, Grog pulled her outside to the burned tree took his spear and carved a design that looked just like a snake upon Oogoogla's arm. Then rubbing ash and mud into it he turned her loose. "Have you lost your mind Grog?" Oogoogla demanded! "What do you think you are doing?" Grog just smiled and Oogoogla went stomping off in a huff. A couple of days later, after Oogoogla had calmed down, Grog lured her to the edge of the river where he proceeded to shove her in. Coming out of the water in a rage Oogoogla picked up a rock and was just getting ready to bash in Grog's head when, smiling still Grog pointed to her arm and there, just like on Grog's arm was a snake. Oogoogla was amazed and pleased. How wonderful this is. She just knew that she would be the envy of all the other cave women. What a beautiful design! Oogoogla knew then and there that her Grog was a true genius and she ran to the cave village to show all of her friends Grog's new invention. Soon cave people were coming from all over to have Grog put snakes onto their arms. Grog stayed busy day and night for 2 solid weeks, hardly sleeping, barely eating and hardly having anytime to do his job of inventing things. Finally one day Grog said, "Me just can't do no more. Me tired."  A young cave man who had been waiting for 5 days to see Grog asked him what it would take for him to cut just one more design. Grog thinking about how much trouble Kitty had caused said, "You bring Grog Saber Toothed Kitty's body, Grog cut snake design in arm for you." The young caveman agreed and took Grog's spear to do the job with. The next day the young caveman returned dragging the body of the Saber Toothed Kitty behind him. Grog was pleased. No longer would Kitty bother him but he could also now invent clothes from the Kitty's fur and Bar-B-Q from the Kitty's ribs. Grog instructed the young caveman to sit by the tree. Grog said, "Me do special design just for you, Grog cut picture of Kitty into your arm." This pleased the young caveman but he was very curious too so he asked Grog, "Grog, you are the first inventor is that right?" "That right," said Grog. "And," said the young cave man, "You also named everything?" "True," answered Grog. "Then why," queried the young caveman, " have you not named this new invention of yours." Grog looked puzzled, then embarrassed. He had been so caught up in his excitement over the design cutting in flesh that he had completely forgot to name his invention. Not wanting the young caveman to think him just another dim-witted Neanderthal Grog squared his shoulders and proudly stated, "Me have name for invention.... IT CALLED TATTOO!"AND SO WAS BORN THE FIRST PROFESSIONAL TATTOO ARTIST!  Grog tattooed and invented things for many years until one day at the ripe old age of  32 he was eaten by one of the offspring of Kitty. But not before passing on his skills of name giving, inventing, piercing and tattooing to the young caveman whose name was Adam. Adam and Oogoogla married after Grog's death. Oogoogla changed her name to Eve and discovered she had a knack for gardening. Her fruit trees were the envy of all who saw them. But that my friends is another story!